Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

It has to be said. I am the laziest blogger in all the land.

I have neglected my duty to update my minute readership with the mindless guff that consumes my life and for that I apologise. I am outraged with myself that the landing page on my blog implies that I still care about (and crush) Charlie Sheen.

Those days were over after I discovered he allowed his pet pug to die of malnourishment and that he was set to release a record with Snoop Dogg.

There is so much to tell, from racing goats on Brick Lane (so East) to starting the worst job of my working career as Burberry’s postwoman but I think I would be doing a disservice if I did not start with undoubtedly the greatest experience of my life to date…