BAMBI'S REVENGE

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People are always banging on about ‘middle class problems.’ Whether its Buzzfeed moaning about hot pitta steam or furious commuters tweeting about the bus to Crouch End, middle class people always seem to be in a bit of a pickle.

But what about ‘posh people problems?’ Or more specifically, ‘posh people injuries?’ The picture above is of a pair of antlers I have hung in my room. The antlers that fell on my head.

They belonged to a deer that my Grandfather shot on a trip to Spain. I relieved them from my Grandmother’s house as she’s run out of mountable walls. They used to hang above my bed like a warning to potential suitors.

‘Don’t forget my Daddy has a gun.’

I was off work with a kidney infection and was doing my best to put off working from home. I noticed a fedora on the floor and nattily hung it on an antler spike before lying down for a nap. What happened next was the rudest awakening I have ever experienced. The antlers were off the wall and had skewered my forehead. I was seeing stars. I immediately took a photo of the damage.

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My head swelled up like a watermelon and I began furiously messaging the picture to my friends. Then I called my mother. She was having lunch with my sister’s godmother and her new boyfriend. As I was about to explain what had happened, said boyfriend hung up on a conversation with his son in London, walked into my mother’s kitchen and said:

'You’ll never guess what’s just happened to a friend of Phil's…Her antlers just fell on her head!’

It transpired that my sister’s godmother is going out with my friend Phil’s dad. I once commented to a friend’s mother that it was a very small world. She replied that it’s a very small class. Horrifyingly, it looks like she might be right.