How to lose a stone in 21 days...


I am so jealous today that I have been on hunger strike since breakfast
What begun as an innocent inquiry into the well being of an old friend has ended in a jealously so consumingly green I have given myself cramp in my left calf from curling my toes. I will elaborate…
Me: ‘So is Liv enjoying New York?’
Friend: Yeah she’s loving it…she’s like totally hanging out with Chuck and Nate from Gossip Girl…Nate asked her out but obviously she has a boyfriend though…
Me: silent choking (faux sincerity) wow that’s great isn’t it good for her! Good for her?!!? self pity doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings.
Friend: Yeah some family friend just gave her his loft for three months so she could do this fashion internship…
Me: Wow, how did she get that…? (plotting)
Friend: Oh I think she just applied…
Curses, not only is this girl living the dream shared by every woman past puberty but she apparently achieved said dream based on merit.
To make matters worse I appear to have subconsciously attempted to validate my own fashion credentials by donning my natty new vintage cape and have ended up bearing a rather striking resemblance to either inspector Clouseau or Basil the great mouse detective.
I may not be on the dole any more, but I am a big fat jealous mouse wearing a cape
the diet continues…